Letting Go: Sending Off My Only Child to College Volleyball
College. Many families experience this ‘right of passage.’ As a volleyball mom, I’ve navigated countless practices, games, and tournaments, but nothing prepared me for the week we dropped our one and only child off at college—2,500 miles away from home. Eighteen years come at you fast. What seemed like a sudden moment was actually the culmination of reaching long-standing goals. Up until move-in and drop-off week, I focused on my pride in her accomplishments and the achievements yet to come. However, what I truly experienced was not only the pride and excitement but a deep, lingering sense of loss. In this blog, I want to share some things no one talks about much—this experience, how to manage the emotions that come with an empty nest, how your child might react to it all and the first major challenges for a freshman athlete.
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The Emotional Rollercoaster Is Real
Dropping off your child at college is a unique blend of joy and heartbreak. I’m so proud of the incredible young woman we raised, but there’s an overwhelming sense of loss that no conversation can quite prepare you for. It was the hardest flight home I think my husband and I have ever taken. Will she be ok? Did we think of everything she needed? Will she have the emotional support necessary to succeed? All questions that went through my mind as the plane lifted in the sky. I know she’s a strong young woman. She’s ready to fly. But what about me? Am I ready to do the same?
And then… there is the silence. The silence in the house becomes deafening, and you might find yourself questioning your identity now that your role as an everyday parent has shifted. Three things I’ve notice about my short experience right now that caught me off guard:
- The Void: It’s not just about missing your child; it’s about the sudden change in routine. The daily interactions, the little rituals, and even the chaos and complaints about managing their schedule—all of that disappears in an instant.
- Second-Guessing: You might find yourself replaying conversations, wondering if you gave them all the right advice they need. Should you have lived ‘in the moments” more? Or hugged them a little tighter?
- Pride and Pain: The pride in their accomplishments is often mixed with an aching pain that really surprised me. I’m sure that this gets better with time. (I hope so!) After all, all three of our family members are embarking on new chapters.
How They Will React
Your child’s reaction to starting college, especially when they’re an athlete, can vary. Some dive in headfirst, excited by the independence and the new opportunities. Others may feel overwhelmed by the sudden responsibilities and the pressure to perform. My daughter chose to dive in immediately- leaving little time for grass to grow under her feet. She really had no choice. The preseason workout schedule (before school even starts) is usually pretty grueling in most programs across the NCAA. After the dorm room was situated, I began to sense that staying around campus any longer could end up being a detriment to her. We would become yet another thing she’d have to squeeze into an already tight schedule. It was at that point that I realized our parenting roles had shifted from solving her problems to supporting her independence. Here’s what I’ve seen (so far) that you might anticipate with your player:
- Initial Excitement: The thrill of new beginnings often dominates their first few days. They’ll be surrounded by new friends, a new environment, and the excitement of being part of a collegiate volleyball team.
- Homesickness: Even the most independent child might feel pangs of homesickness, especially after the initial excitement wears off. We brought as many comfort items from home that we could manage on the trip that might help her through it. (the rest will come in the next care package)
- Stress: Balancing schoolwork, orientations, practices, meetings and the social aspects of college life will no doubt lead to stress. They might not always share this with you, wanting to prove they can handle it all. (My daughter’s personality fits this mold.)
Freshmen Hit the Ground Running
What surprised me most about move-in week was how quick the demands on a player’s time ramp up. For a college athlete, it’s not leisurely few days. For our player, it’s nothing short of intense. Between practices, team meetings, strength and conditioning there’s hardly a moment to breathe and settle into any school routines. Right now, she doesn’t have much time to get homesick- which may be a small blessing in disguise.
Daily Expectations
- Daily Practices: Often multiple times a day, early morning position meetings or sessions, late afternoon or early evening practices become the norm.
- Team Bonding: There are mandatory team activities, which, while enjoyable, add to the packed schedule.
- Academic Orientation: On top of their athletic commitments, they’re navigating a new academic environment, attending orientations, and figuring out how to manage their time and schedules effectively before diving into the real work.
- Little Time for Reflection: With such a packed schedule, they may not have time to process their own emotions or check in with you as often as you’d like. I’m coming to terms with the fact that talking to Mom is not t
the first priority in her life right now!
Coping with Empty Nest Syndrome
The major transition to college life is happening to both parent and child. My friends with older children who graduated before my daughter described what it felt like. So much so, that I thought I was prepared. But it hits differently when it’s YOU. Our house feels bigger and empty. Daily routine shifts dramatically. I’m managing what seems like a profound sense of loss- while also being mindful that my spouse may process the experience differently than me. After getting great advice from friends, I’ve made myself a plan that I will share with you:
- Reconnect with Yourself: Take time to rediscover hobbies and interests that may have taken a backseat while you focused on raising your child. Starting this blog, website and Etsy Shop were not an accident! I’m thankful for the distraction of running a small business.
- Stay Connected: Regular check-ins with your child, even if they’re brief text, can help ease the transition for both of you.
- Seek Support: Talk to other parents who’ve been through this. We have not been afraid to reach out for support either in person or online for practical advice.
- Create New Routines: Establish new routines that bring you joy and fulfillment, whether that’s through exercise, travel, or volunteering. Weekend getaway trips are now front and center on our radar!
- Embrace the Change: I will concentrate on embracing the opportunities that come with having more time and freedom.
Conclusion
Dropping off our child at college was a bittersweet milestone. The emotions are more complex than I imagined, and the transition will continue to be challenging. However, I’m also concentrating on celebrating her independence and the new adventures that awaited her. By understanding what to expect and finding ways to cope with the changes, I’m slowly learning to navigate this journey with grace and resilience. As you’ll read in other blog posts of mine, I believe in mindfulness and intention in daily life. Reminder to Self: It’s okay to feel a confusing mix of pride, sadness, and excitement. It’s normal and necessary.
What did you do to cope as an Empty Nester? If you’d like to start a discussion about this subject, simply comment below or head to our Conversations discussion board start one here.
