What College Coaches Really Look for Beyond Talent
If you’re a high school parent navigating the wild world of college recruitment right now, especially with nationals or major tournaments coming up, you’re not alone. The recruiting season is intense, packed with questions, high hopes, constant travel, and college coaches watching on the sidelines. Whether your daughter is juggling offers or still grinding for her first one, there’s one truth parents often overlook: the most important things aren’t always captured in highlight reels or stat sheets.
At every level of the game, coaches — D1, D2, D3, NAIA — are looking for more than just athletic performance. Yes, your daughter’s skills and stats matter, but there’s something else they’re evaluating just as carefully: who she is on the sidelines.
When the Spotlight Gets Real
Tournaments like nationals, showcases, or qualifiers are where everything counts. Still, what many parents underestimate is this — every single athlete at those big events is good. College coaches already expect a high level of play. What they’re really looking for is what separates your daughter from the rest: leadership, communication, maturity, and emotional presence.
What College Coaches Told Us
Our daughter is a college setter. The coach of the program she eventually chose told us something that opened our eyes: In one of our first meetings, he showed us a clip he saved from her at the Triple Crown 2024 Tournament. He stopped it in an odd spot and said, “Look! Right there!” She was huddling after a missed kill on the court with her teammates. At first, we didn’t understand what was so important about that. He then explained, “I liked how she demonstrated leadership by how she talked to teammates and made eye contact, whether the play worked or didn’t. And her energy on the sideline stood out.”
In fact, multiple coaches that contacted our family echoed this — that her character sealed the deal. Her composure, engagement, and presence off the ball were just as impactful as her decision-making on the court.
Bench Behavior and Body Language Matter
You’ve probably heard it before, but I can confirm it is true. College coaches are watching even when your daughter isn’t playing. How does she carry herself on the bench? Is she supportive? How about emotionally steady? Is she still part of the game? One college recruiter told us, “I learned more from how she handled being subbed out than I ever could from her stats.”
Beyond Stats: Why This Matters Now More Than Ever
The game is growing. Fast. Because of this explosive growth, volleyball has become more competitive than ever. The talent pool is deeper than ever. Coaches can now afford to be picky. They’re not just asking, “Can she play?” They’re asking, “Will she stay and dedicate herself to the program? Will she grow with us? Or will she hit the transfer portal the moment things get hard?”
They want athletes who are invested. In the school, in the team, and themselves. Culture matters now more than ever. Bad team or personal chemistry can easily set back otherwise worthy college volleyball programs. Not to mention, scholarship money or financial awards are handed out to a precious few. Moreover, roster spots with no promise of financial gain are also highly scrutinized. College coaches want to make sure the school’s investment in time, money, and resources put into your athlete is worth it.
Reputation Travels
One thing we’ve learned from seeing behind the curtain: coaches talk. They share notes on athletes, coaches, even parents. And once a reputation forms — good or bad — it tends to follow the athlete.
For that reason, soft skills, behaviors, and intangibles are no longer optional.
What You Can Do as a Parent
Support without overstepping. Model positivity in the stands. Let your daughter own her journey. Coaches notice families who are calm, constructive, and focused on the team, not just their kid.
Talk About It
Help your daughter understand what’s really being watched. Start by talking about the details that matter most: eye contact, poise after errors and staying engaged when things aren’t going her way. These aren’t just life skills — they’re recruiting tools.
Checklist: Coach-Approved Do’s and Don’ts
DO:
- Stay emotionally engaged during games — on and off the court
- Make eye contact with teammates and coaches
- Encourage others constantly
- Take feedback without shutting down
- Show respect to officials and opponents
DON’T:
- Sulk, blame, or withdraw when things don’t go well
- Argue with coaches or officials
- Let frustration show in body language
- Tune out when you’re not playing
- Focus only on personal stats over team effort
Final Word
If there’s one takeaway I hope sticks, it’s this: recruiting isn’t just about performance — it’s about presence. It’s about being the kind of athlete a coach wants to build a program around. And that shows up in every moment, especially the ones off the stat sheet. If you the offer you receive contains positive feedback about the intangibles we just discussed, you’ll know she’s probably in the right place for her growth and development.
Not every recruitment situation is perfect. Sometimes, things don’t work out. Others can be a match made in heaven. Either way, your player is learning. Growing. ‘Adulting.’ I’ve often thought the secret to success is consciously deciding how you want to show up for people — every day.
Let your daughter be that player. Let her character be her edge.
